I waited for you today but you didn't show, No, No, No.I needed You today, so where did you go?
You told me to call, said You'd be there.And though I haven't seen You, are You still there?
I cried out with no reply and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know You're here and I'm never alone.
And though I can not see You and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance You've placed in my life
We cannot separate 'cause You're part of me and though You're invisible I'll trust the unseen.
I cried out with no reply and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone
We cannot separate, You're part of me and though You're invisible I'll trust the unseen
I cried out with no reply and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone
I cannot possibly begin to count the times that i have sung, played or just listened to this song but tonight God has revealed to me how much this song really describes my relationship with both Him and the people that i've been habitually clinging to that have "let me down." As I listened to the first verse tonight it cam to my mind that this verse is like the earthly people that i cling so tightly to and when they "let me down," I spiral downward out of control.
How many people have i let do this to me? How many times have i let myself get so attached to someone that i totally forget about God? How many times has this lead to heartache? I can't even try to count how many times i've heard "i'll always be here" or "i'm not like them" only to hear "i can't do this anymore"
This song has been my anthem for some time now, without me even realizing it. How many times have i cut myself because i feel as if it's the only way for me to get across how truly and deeply i'm hurting? How many suicide attempts? How many lies? How many bathroom visits just to see if anyone would check up on me? too many. all of this has lead to nothing but heartbreak and suffering for me. How long have i been so numb to my pain that i cant feel Jesus walking with me, or the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of me, or the hand of God protecting me and reaching out to me? How long has it been since I could HONESTLY say that I have felt like God was with me? But when Monica Rose was sharing her testimony about being in India and God speaking to her saying, "If you never feel me again, will you still love me? If you never feel me again, will you still serve me?"
To be completely honest, I was incoherent for most of the class and i was coming in and out of consciousness but when i heard that it was like WHOA!! That's for me! It was what i needed to hear and I KNOW that her saying that was God speaking to me through my Evangelism Professor's testimony. I knwo that was probably her intention when she gave that lecture but i'm fairly certain that i'm not the only own who needed to hear those words. Just like Johnnie said tonight at campus church, God uses other people to speak to u. we just have to be willing to listen and we have to be OPEN and looking for HIm. Searching with a fervent heart. The bible says if you seek him you will find him when you seek him with all of your heart. Just like we have to have faith when we pray for comfort or miracles, we must also be in a constant state of prayer asking God to speak to us and to use us to further his kingdom.
Too often I get wrapped up in my won selfish wants and needs that I forget how much he's done for me and how much he still wants to make me into what he created me to be, and i know that whatever his plan is for my life, I know that it is not form me to give in to what the world says is only natural when i know that it is wrong. I cant lie and say that its not something that i still struggle with, though that is what i lead my friends to believe. the worst thing is, the ones who i know would be the most understanding and help me the most are the ones i cant bear to tell, because i dont want or need a repeat of this summer. Especially since all of them are on my hall and i spend so much time in their rooms. But i know that i can put all of my burdens on Christ and he will carry me the whole way back to redemption and the road that i'm supposed to be on. all i had to do was come to the foot of the cross and bow at the feet of my savior and just scream "SAVE ME JESUS" and he came to me and saved me. all i had to do was ask him. But this is something that i rarely do. not until i have come to the end of my rope. i always try to solve my problems on my own or with the help of other people. but when i'm on the edge and slipping, who do i run to? NOT GOD. But who is it that is the ONLY one who can save me? GOD!!
Back to the song, the first chorus still speaks of my relationships on earth, but the second part of the chorus along with the second verse speaks specifically of my relationship with our heavenly father. I cant always see or feel him but i know that he is always there. as for the tag of the song, well, it is a reminder to me:
"We cannot separate you're part of me.
And though you're invisible, i'll trust the unseen"
God has not left me yet which says a lot. with as many times as i've slapped him in the face and denied him in front of my friends, he has never once stopped loving me. Even in my darkest hours when i feel so alone and when i feel that no one could ever love me or want to help me, i know that He is always there. God is like Oxygen, you cant always feel it and you can't see it, but we can see evidence of Him in nature, a newborn's first cry and in our own lives. without oxygen there would be no life. Even fish would die because they get their oxygen from the water. Without God, there would be NOTHING. After all, He created us remember? Even when we feel like there is nothing worth fighting for, we always have HIm, and we can take comfort in knowing that he's already worked everything out. All we have to do is trust him.
"Be Confident of this that he who has begun a good work in you
will finish it to completion in the day of Christ Jesus"
--Philippians 1:6
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it"
--WM Lewis
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