through out the nightmare, i was dabbling in different stuff, that i had no business being involved in. The things i was doing weren't necessarily sins or even bad things, but for me personally, they were extremely dangerous. well, the last part of the dream that made me jump out of my bed was really intense. I had laid down to go to bed, and I was still playing with this one little thing which, in the dream, manifested itself into a cat-like thing. it was laying beside me and i was just teasing it a little, like playing with its claws, letting it playfully scratch me. at that point i heard a voice say, "just don't let it go bad again. you'll regret it."
Almost instantly after the voice stopped, the thing latched onto my arm completely and was hissing and growling like...idk, like nothing i've ever heard or seen before and, in the dream, i grabbed the bible that was the table beside me and just started hitting it, which only made it madder and it latched on harder. that part in and of itself was enough to scare me, but next, this...i don't know how to describe it other than to say this face came up from the side of my bed that looked alot like the joker from the OLD batman movies, only more demonic looking. the face came up with this...idk, like a hungry look on its face but not like a "i havent eaten today, i'm hungry" kind of hunger. like the "hunger" that say a serial killer would get before it kills.
it grabbed onto me and bit into my side and wouldn't let me go. thats what woke me up. i jerked awake and made a full 360 turn in the bed...like when you roll over only all the way over, and i was about a 6 inches off the bed. i wasn't like levitating or anything, it scared me so much i jumped and turned at the same time - if that makes sense.
as some of you know, i have had a lot of issues with nightmares for a very long time but especially for the last year or so. i learned a long time ago that when i wake up from a nightmare that felt that intense and that real, not to ignore it. and that when i woke up like that - in a state of almost paralyzing fear - the best, no, ONLY thing to do is to pray. so in the dark in the middle of my bed, sitting up curled in a ball, afraid to spread out for fear that there was something in my room, all i could speak was the phrase that i learned a long time ago. "i plead the blood, Jesus help me. i plead the blood, please, Jesus help me." i sat there crying and saying that out loud over and over.
when i finally regained control, both of my mind and of my racing heart, i began to try to think of what might have caused the dream.
what had i done today? wake up, go to work. come home sit my stuff down, go to the store. come back and shower.
what did i do right before i went to bed ok, before i went to bed, i was on Skype with Emily singing to her. mostly Barlow Girl and Superchick songs, a little Addison Road. then She got off, and i read a few chapters in John, and then went to sleep.
so i began to question whether or not the dream had actually been caused by something that i had done. i mean, it must have right? because a dream that intense doesn't just happen - to me especially.
and then it hit me
i have been doing little things here and there that i know are really dangerous, and starting to slip back into some old routines, and i know that if i'm not careful, it can blow up in my face again
its so easy to think that "just a little" wont hurt us, and in some cases that's true. a lot of things in moderation can be good, but when over used or over done or said or listened to or anything of the sorts can be dangerous.
we get caught up in playing around a little with things that aren't hurting us...
yet
then in the blink of an eye, BAM!! that little thing that you were letting just scratch you latches on and becomes painfully dangerous. then we try to hit it with "empty scripture" and it just gets worse and worse, and before we know it, we come face to face with our worst nightmare.
now, let me clear something up.
I believe in the power of Scripture. The Word of God is our best and only weapon that we can use in the battle,
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
but if we're just hitting at the problem, witout FULLY committing it to God and TRUSTING in the power of scripture, then thats when it becomes empty. this is why the pharasees had it wrong. they knew all of the scripture, but the were too caught up in tradition, pride, and the law that they were blinded to who Jesus really was, and is.
this is still the case with many of us today
it is only when we cry out to God, truly believing that he can save us and completely relinquishing control of the situation, that we can count on what Psalm 34:17 tells us,
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles.
I'm a very artsy person. God uses many different ways to communicate with his children, and for me personally, he's been known to use dramas and skits and songs to speak to me. One of my favorite ones is the "Everything" skit to the Lifehouse Song. the girl in the skit started out on the right track, she was with Jesus, letting him romance her. and one by one she started to get wrapped up in the things of the world.
she she pursued many empty things, and began partying. then she bought into the lies of the world that she had to look a certain way and she started hurting herself in multiple ways.
PAUSE: how ironic is it that "everything" just came on my itunes, that is definitely a God thing.
anyway, at the end of the skit, demons start really weighing down on her and tempting her with Suicide.she wrestles with the thought for a while, holding a gun to her head then putting it down, then picking it back up.
finally she throws the gun down and starts trying to run back to God. but, forgive me or using this word again but, its only an empty pursuit. she's trying to fight on her own, and find her own way out of the darkness and back to him. all the while Jesus is on right on the other side reaching for her trying to pull her towards him, but she keeps falling down because she's trying to use her own strength to get to him.
it is only when she gives up control and falls to her knees that Jesus can - and does - step in and shield her from what's going on.
that part of the skit goes along with a quote i found a while back that says, " sometimes God calms the storm, other times, he lets the storms rage and calms his child"
PAUSE: God moment again, Lifehouse "Storm" just came on.
Even after Jesus steps in to help her he lets the storm rage. this is shown by the "demons" trying to grab her still, but the whole time, she's on her knees and Jesus is shielding her from their attacks - standing with his arms out like he's on the cross, then after a while, he throws them back off of himself/her. he picks her up, brushes her off, and wraps his arms around her, and she is once again walking with him.
probably one of the coolest things about that skit, is that she starts out in a black shirt. and then as she's fighting going through the trials and tribulations, the black shirt is ripped away, revealing a white shirt at the end.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. - James 1:2-4;12
God allows us to go through things so we can be prepared for what he has in store for us. its not alway because we've done something wrong that we go through what is commonly referred to as a "valley." Though God does correct us, he tells us this himself in Hebrews 12: 5-11 when he says:
you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:
“ My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
6 For whom the LORD loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.”
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
but anway, like usual, i have no idea how to end this note. So i'm just going to end it by saying to you and to myself, to be careful what you're messing around with.
wow so i just searched something and clicked on this, and i just wanted to say that everything you wrote is wonderful. i love it, it gave me chills and made me think.
ReplyDeleteawesome! thats all i can think of saying